HOLY SHIT BALLS
A poem seems so apt
for your story I shall tell
I hope you enjoy my ramblings
Mr and Mrs Glad-well.
On the morning of the wedding
whilst hair and make up magic was done
I made myself a nice hot coffee
I always need at least one
I'm so proud of the few portraits
I captured of Mrs Gladwell (to be)
although you don't like the camera Michelle
I hope you see what I see...
A beautiful, classic bride
with the most AMAZING bright blue eyes
and you must believe me when I tell you this
as my camera and I are both shit at telling lies.
Now I've learned from times before
to now pack a sewing kit
as I had a bad experience once
where the bride had a hissy fit.
I've said before I am psychic
and now have little doubt
as just before the dress went on
the sewing kit did come out!
A loose button off the back
fell towards the floor
but all was well, it soon got fixed
before I headed out the door.
Downstairs the boys were faffing
finishing touches to their suits
plenty of time to shit some pants
and embark on a pint pursuit!
Soon time to get to Twickenham
to York House where you got wed
your guests all looked so lovely
and everyone so excited.
Paul's eyes were fixed upon you Michelle
as you glided down the aisle
nothing on this day
could remove his cheeky smile.
You exchanged your vows without a hitch
your kids stood up and read
the rings went on, they fit just right
and then I do was said.
So the official stuff was out the way
Paul got to kiss his bride
it was then a chance to throw confetti
as the couple were congratulated outside
The summer sun was kind enough
to keep us warm and dry
but I could not contain my excitement
when the dark clouds filled the sky
With torrential downpour threatening
we went via Bushy Park
determined to get some couple photos
we didn't have to go too far.
The sky turned grey so quickly
we were soon running for cover
the Gladwells moved fast across the grass
holding hands with one another.
So two weeks before the wedding
a venue let you down
so let's treat them accordingly shall we
and award them the WANKER crown.
But all was well in Hampton
when the stables came up trumps
got a better venue anyway
almost gave me goose bumps...
Off to the Stables we went
situated on Hampton Court Road
the guests were there already
celebration drinks in full flow
The sun shone through the huge windows
the light was beautiful
the room was so well lit
and full of happy people
When the food was served at 5pm
much to my delight
the splendid buffet grub
was more than just alright
And although it was last minute
The Stables did them proud
big smiles and friendly service
and the music... not too loud.
The speeches were just brilliant
heart felt thanks with a little poem
but best man Tim stole the show
for a long time Paul will owe 'im...
Tim had the whole room roaring
and before we knew quite how
he only went and surprised us all
with a bloody great big cow!
Laughter filled the sun lit room
a few tears were also shed
it all got quite emotional
when Paul got up and read...
...a poem that he'd written
back in the early days
when this fine couple first got together
and fell in love with their own ways.
As D J Lee entertained the room
with booming familiar tunes
the Gladwells took to the dance floor
before everyone busted moves
Holy shit balls came to mind
as I gazed upon it all
every person at this do
had an absolute flippin' ball!
When first we met in Bushy Park
it was spring, the daffs were out
Michelle was a little camera shy
but Paul would have got it all out.
We talked about the wedding
how great it was to be
and then we drank some coffee
which means a lot to me.
It exceeded all expectations
for all involved I'm sure
the love you have around you
you truly are adored
...not least by one another
and it is easy to see why
you're fun and kind and loving
Paul your poem made me cry
It sincerely was my pleasure
to spend the day with you
a so perfectly matched couple
I am glad you said I do.
I wish you all the happiness
in your now married home
and may you one day have a Donkey
to call your very own.